You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
