You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
