Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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