Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
