I think I am morally bankrupt
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
