At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
