she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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