what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Boobs speak an international language.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
