and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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