did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
