4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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