Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
