I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize