Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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