Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
