Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
