neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
