Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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