So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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