you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
