The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
