Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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