My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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