I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
