Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
