proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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