Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
