'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
never play flip cup with pint glasses
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize