i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
