quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
