Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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