Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
