he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you would pick up someone in the library
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
