I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
