y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
