Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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