tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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