Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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