My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
