how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
