just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize