He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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