i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
