Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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