btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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