hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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