Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
