Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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