Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
