yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
