We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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