Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh god the rape fog is back!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
