is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
