I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
