I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
