I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just high enough for therapy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
