I need help removing her.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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