Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
