guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
