He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
