If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
