I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize