I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
