im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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