I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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