Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
