he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
