As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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