I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Are we still banned from the library?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
