the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
