i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize