I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
