Non-Jews are for practice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
