clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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