and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
