my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
