Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
do nipples grow back?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
