I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
