Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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