GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
