I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
