I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
