sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
