so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
