I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
