I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
