So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
