Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
