You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
